What Bullying Is and How to Overcome It: Instruction From a Psychologist

bullying and how to overcome it

You’re likely to remember an unhappy classmate or a boy from the neighboring yard who was maliciously chosen to be an outcast of society. Constant insults, bullying, cruel jokes, or even worse, beatings – this is what the victim of bullying has to deal with. And if earlier one could hide from bullying at home, now it’s impossible. Attacks on social networks, messengers, and constant phone calls don’t give the victim any peace and lead to severe psychological distress and mental trauma.

Strange as it may seem, it isn’t only children or adolescents who can be bullied. More often, the victims of bullying are adults. The so-called “adult bullying” can affect anyone.

There are a number of reasons why a person chooses to be victimized. They have a bright, unconventional appearance, distant communication with others, and a certain demeanor. Mobbing is mostly experienced at work, which has an extremely negative effect on performance and maintaining a healthy spirit in the team.

But still, it’s in adolescence that psychologists note the most brutal bullying. Growing up, but not yet aware of the responsibility, teenagers are ready to overpower their victim in all kinds of incomprehensible ways. Often they are helped by subtle bullying or even beatings. Bullying can and should be confronted. So can working with the aggressor himself and determining the reason for his cruelty.

What Is Bullying

Bullying is the aggression and bullying of a person or group of people against a chosen victim. Anyone can be bullied: sometimes victims are picked randomly, the same way as games at an online casino Canada have resulted.

The problem of bullying – or as it used to be called, bullying – has always existed. Previously it was not common to talk about it openly, so cases of bullying at school were simply kept quiet. Now bullying is being discussed in society, urging victims of violence not to keep quiet, but to talk about the problem, if not to their parents, then to some of their relatives or friends.

The term “bullying” was coined by the Norwegian psychologist Dan Olveus in 1993.

According to the scientist, the bully – or stalker – sees the only goal in bullying as being to bend the victim to his will and completely break his confidence. The victim of bullying is unable to fight back against the aggressor, thus giving the bully an incentive to bully further. Bullying differs from regular conflict in that the forces in this confrontation are unequal. By enlisting the support of others, the aggressor doesn’t give the victim even the slightest chance to confront them.

Bullying is accompanied not only by verbal insults, but also by serious threats, humiliation and even physical abuse. To put it bluntly, the actions of the aggressor and his approving environment in some severe cases can be compared to a criminal gang. Except that bullies don’t appreciate the seriousness of their actions.

And when it comes to school bullying because of their age, the aggressors are not afraid of criminal responsibility, which further loosens their hands. Some severe cases of bullying end badly. The victim, in most cases, is afraid to talk about being the target of the bully. By withdrawing into themselves and growing complexes, the unfortunate person sometimes sees only one way out – suicide. Unfortunately, there are many such stories.

How Bullying Manifests Itself

Bullying can be direct or indirect. Direct bullying means insults, cursing and beating the victim. Often aggressors purposely damage a person’s personal belongings without being ashamed of their actions. The bully, enlisting the support of friends, takes money or valuables from the victim. Indirect bullying is one in which the aggressor does not directly express his attitude toward the victim.

For example, a bully may be guilty of spreading rumors, most often invented by the bully. He might boycott or shun the victim and force his surroundings to do the same. This kind of bullying isn’t just for teenagers; we often see it in our adult lives as well. For example, we can all imagine how easy it’s to spread gossip at work, knowing that your colleagues will pick it up. Or remember how you try to avoid a boring colleague and sometimes unknowingly act as a bully.

Types of Bullying

Physical Bullying

The most common type of bullying. It involves the aggressor physically showing his attitude toward the victim. This can include pushing, beating, spitting, and extortion. Usually, victims of bullying will not tell their parents that they are being targeted. Parents, in turn, should pay close attention to external signs. For example, scratches or sudden bruises can indicate physical bullying.

If a parent discovers signs of beatings on a child’s body, they need to talk to him or her immediately. Only it should be done carefully. Remember, the child is already under stress, so any reminder of bullying can further lock him inside. It’s necessary to build as much trusting dialogue in which you can convince your child that his parents and teacher will always come to his aid.

If the child talks about physical violence from classmates, immediately contact law enforcement agencies. Talking to the aggressor’s parents is unnecessary and will lead to nothing.

Verbal Bullying

The use of force in this case does not come to the use of force. But the aggressor uses a psychological attack. He uses derogatory nicknames and malicious taunts against the chosen victim. Children who are the object of humiliation always withdraw into themselves. Their distinguishing feature from the rest is unreasonable aggression toward their family members, refusal to eat and aloofness.

To avoid verbal bullying, it’s necessary to let the child understand that all people are equal and everyone is worthy of respect. If a classmate is making fun of or insulting a child, think of several ways to respond to the bully. For example, a child can respond to a bully’s mean jokes by saying, “Talking to you makes me uncomfortable,” “Leave me alone,” “I’m not interested in your company.

Social and Psychological Bullying

Although this type of bullying doesn’t involve the use of physical force, it’s extremely difficult for children to endure. Being made fun of, making hurtful comments about the victim or their friends, or boycotting is social bullying. For example, the aggressor deliberately isolates the victim from the social environment in which they both reside. Most often it’s a school. The child in this case stays in a heavy psychological state, which is visible to the naked eye. His reluctance to go to school, to communicate with classmates should immediately cause alarm among parents. After all, according to scientists, the stress and experiences of this kind of bullying are very hard to bear and can lead to tragic consequences.


A modern form of bullying that arose in the wake of technological advances. Almost every one of us has at least one social networking page. Virtual bullying only at first glance doesn’t seem so insidious. In fact, bullying through social networks, sending deliberately false and humiliating information to a certain circle of people is indirect violence against the psychological component of the victim.

Buller has only one goal – to suppress the personality and the will of the victim, and for the sake of his goal he is capable of despicable actions, up to breaking into pages and stealing personal photos of the victim.

To avoid cyberbullying it’s necessary to control the sites your child visits. But this should be done by warning him/her about his/her actions. Children should clearly understand that it’s unnecessary to react to virtual bullying, even though it brings a lot of discomforts.

Parents, in turn, are obliged to control the time of their child’s stay on the Internet and monitor his behavior. If after visiting social networks he is in a depressed state,  it’s worth raising the alarm.

According to scientific research, psychological abuse of the victim is characteristic of girls and physical abuse of the victim is characteristic of boys. The gender difference in forms of bullying is also interesting.

Verbal bullying tends to affect the female sex. Men are never victims of this type of bullying. Girls become the victims of social bullying in 47% of cases, while males are only 29%. Cyberbullying is mostly characteristic of young men. Moreover, in this kind of bullying, they take the position of both aggressor and victim. Girls practically don’t participate in online bullying.

What to Do if Your Child Is a Victim of Bullying

If you found out that your child became a victim of bullying, then act. You cannot ignore this situation, your child needs help now more than ever.

  • Be calm. Now it isn’t worth it emotionally, remain calm, but not indifferent.
  • Listen. Listen to the child, don’t interrupt, and don’t say that something isn’t important. Thank them for their trust.
  • Support, not blame. If you start asking why he didn’t tell you sooner, or why he didn’t fight back, the child will shut down. Forget the accusations.
  • Gather information. Find out as much as you can about the situation.
  • Tell you how to act. Tell them how to behave with the abusers, and where to go for help.
  • Contact a professional. If you see that your child is traumatized or isn’t communicating with you, talk to a psychologist.

If you see that the child is in serious danger, but nothing changes, take action. You can write official letters through the school office and to higher organizations, contact a lawyer, and the police.

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